i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
