Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
