Little spoons don't ask big questions
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You made out with two different species that night
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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