It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
