peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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