my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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