This is not my ceiling
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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