That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My pussy is not your playground.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
