We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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