Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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