1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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