i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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