I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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