my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
