He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
