Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
