that's an acceptable place to lick
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
