Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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