wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
NoShamevember. You game?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
