How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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