I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
