girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
