You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
