Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
