Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
