Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
