we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Randomize
