I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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