Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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