There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
