We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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