I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
