I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
