I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
