does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
