I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
