I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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