How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
