drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
