My underwear smells like fireworks.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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