So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
