I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
