Can i not drive my cunt home
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
