what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
