I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
