we have pet lesbian snakes
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
