Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
