that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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