I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
