She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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