I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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